Some of the “kitchen”.
From the writer: The original article (posted below) is about a boyfriend who saw the beauty in his girlfriend’s “kitchen”. A follow up article, chapter II, will touch upon race and hair as it relates to this story.
“The most important thing about our gas-equipped kitchen was that Mama used to do hair there. The hot comb was a fine-toothed iron instrument with a long wooden handle and a pair of iron curlers that opened and closed like scissors. … The word ‘kitchen’ has another meaning, and the kitchen that I’m speaking of is the very kinky bit of hair at the back of your head… When hair had begun to ‘turn’, as they’d say– to return to its natural kinky glory–it was the kitchen that turned first (the kitchen around the back and nappy edges at the temples).”
~ Quote from IN THE KITCHEN by Henry Louis Gates
Back in my relaxer days, I thought it was essential to straighten every kink in my hair from the roots to the edges. One section of my hair that never remained straight for long was my “kitchen”. You see, that “kitchen” – that unruly hair at the nape of my neck – would stay kinky and due to conditioned thinking, I viewed that area as unsightly and unkempt. I did not like my “kitchen” one bit, and this was reinforced when the salonist would shave it off without asking. That nappy hair back there just did not belong.
Going natural did NOT change my mindset about my “kitchen”
When I went natural in 2008, I had fallen in love with my hair and its kinks – except for those in my “kitchen.” I know this sounds odd, but that was honestly my mentality back then. My kinky puffs, my twist updos, and my fuzzy twist outs were all beautiful to me, but no matter the style, that “kitchen” never appealed to me. Brushing and the application of gel only worked temporarily. Within an hour, I’d see the little o’s re-develop. Why couldn’t my “kitchen” just behave? Why couldn’t it form into cute little ringlets? So, I started to shave it off just as I did in my relaxer days and just as that stylist had first done years ago. The rest of my hair could be kinky, but that “kitchen” had to be cleaned.
“Take the kinks out of your mind instead of your hair”
~Quote from Marcus Garvey
My boyfriend’s viewpoints on my kitchen
When winter hit and I began wearing braid extensions, I let the naps grow in all their glory. Getting bogged down with work and life, I could not afford to be bothered with keeping up the “kitchen,” so I just let it be. However, just because I left it to grow uncontrollably did not necessarily mean I came to like its existence. I had merely just come to manage it – partially accept it – for the time being.
One evening, while resting my head on my boyfriend’s shoulder, he started to play with my “kitchen” and said, “Cute curls.” Thrown off-guard by the terms “cute” AND “curls,” I looked up at him and said, “Huh?!” You see, all I had seen back there were unkempt naps that needed to be shaved — unruly kinks that made my updos look messy. So when he said “cute,” I laughed and followed by “curls,” I nearly doubled over. He must be looking through another set of goggles.
How his viewpoints were a catalyst for changing my viewpoints
What he said that day replayed in my mind. What had he been seeing? Why was it different from what I had been seeing? Why had I decided that my “kitchen” was sowrong?
It took some time, but one morning, the fog was removed from my periphery. I was in front of the mirror bunning up my braids when I recognized the “cute” and “curls” my boyfriend had said days prior. What could possibly be ugly about the natural kinks that grew back there? How could something so much apart of me, of my DNA, not belong back there? “Unsightly” gradually transformed into “beautiful” before my very eyes. Rubbing my hands against the nape of my neck, I also felt the beauty; so much texture and intricacy of little o’s under my fingers.
The unattractive, kinky “kitchen” had become an illusion of the past formed from years of relaxers and conditioned thinking. What was really on the back of my head was my beautiful hair – that’s it!
How do you feel about your “kitchen”? Did your view change when you went natural?
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